.

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I can't remember who said this originally, but a wise old man (somewhat lao kok kok) said it just now haha. Ok I dunno what you're gonna say but I just went to the GE forum. It was very enlightening.

posted by Alvin @ 10:49 PM |

Went to the clinic from 2 to 4 today. Starting to like the whampoa hawker centre food. Nice and cheap. I think food court is the worst s'porean invention there can ever be. On the way there I met a patient from the clinic on the bus. Wah lau I quickly turned my head away, but she still sat in front of me. Hope she didn't recognise me..first to save myself from any awkwardness (should I say hi or pretend not to see her), second to save her from feeling embarrassed. Becos..there's a stigma to her condition. It was bad enough having to tell her story in a room with 2 nosy students around..dun think she would fancy bumping into them.

I think I'm gonna run out of money soon. Who doesn't wanna go for holidays this June, or for overseas electives..but gotta have money first. Not giving tuition anymore. Tuition pays best..30 an hour, but I don't like to have to teach when my tests and exams come, when I'm struggling myself. Best if I could get a weekend job or something..and stop when I have tests or watever, but the pay is mebbe 5 an hour. Yea.. gotta prioritise.

posted by Alvin @ 10:15 PM |

A Scare

Juz had Kuishin-Bo lunch buffet today..hehe still full. THat's the thing about buffets. You enjoy it while you're gobbling down all the oil-drenched tepanyaki, but toward the end, you become sooo full you don't even feel like bending down to do your shoelace. Well, and expanding your stomach this way isn't a wise thing to do either.

I've been seeing bright spots when I close my eyes for a year already. At first I was alarmed, but it doesn't bother me too much cos it doesn't happen all the time. I checked kumar and clark and websites but can't find any info that matches my symptoms. How odd. I can't be the only one in the world with such specific symptoms rite. So I mentioned it as a by the way thing to the yih doc. THEN he got me alarmed again.. says he needs to exclude a retinal hole. SO on Thursday I went to see the eye doc at NUH. Seeing a doc alone is quite an intimidating experience man.. and I haven't done ophthalmo posting yet. THis doc came with a very big fundoscope attached to his forehead and he used a mirror to shine the light. Scorchingly bright!!After he did that, I could still see black images of my retinal blood vessels when I blinked. Nothing. No retinal hole; no tear; no white blood cells.

"Do you see flashes?"
No. Not flashes, I argued. Mine's very specific..a small bright spot at the lateral most aspect of my left visual field moving up and down, seen when the surrounding is dim.

"Do you have headaches?"
No. Not migraine la, doc.

"I can't come up with a diagnosis now, but it should be normal"
Phew. But no diagnosis? Never mind, as long as it's normal. Then...

"But it can also be early stage of disease. Some diseases I can only pick it up at middle or later stages."
Eh. Thanks for that piece of information, doc.

GP posting's not bad. My tutor teaches well. But I'm more impressed by his understanding of the healthcare system in S'pore and the economics of it. Why GPs are finding it harder to survive, thanks to the gov..why polyclinic docs hate their job..why certain health care schemes are doomed to fail.

posted by Alvin @ 10:30 PM |

Musings

A few months back, 2 days before emed test, it was brought to my attention that a fren was in trouble. I don't know how to describe this. But the moment I heard about it, it struck me how out of touch I was with this person. Those seemingly innocuous messages which were sent, and which I thought nothing of, were codes for help. It would be so easy to tell myself I couldn't have known if he hadn't the intention of saying, but that would've been too daft and callous of me. There were signs. Subtle, but certain. It's so typical of myself to brush these aside and paint a rosy picture of everything, when the reality of it all was far from that. I can't describe what it was that I felt that day, guilt? regret? for neglecting him. True, perhaps it wouldn't have changed matters, but at least I could've been there.

And not too long ago, I found out that I'm not the only who feels this way. It totally sucks. Honestly, wtf are we all doing. We suck. Too busy with my own stinking life? Not even bothering to stop by for a few secs to show some concern? Distracted by shitheads around me who juz make my life unhappy? Busy doing case writeups? Bah. All excuses. aye actually I aint that busy.

What defines a frenship? Honesty and sincerity. Such small yet all encompassing terms. I always maintain that I hate discussing such things, but I have been giving more thought to this recently. And when the very fundamental elements are lacking, we're no different from mere acquaintances. That's how I feel toward them. It's hard to articulate, yet such a straightforward concept to me. When I've heard too many excuses and cover ups, from the horse's mouth, it's hard for me to trust that person again. Trust. Can you imagine.. trust's gone as well. Now I don't even trust that acquaintance.

Certainly, everything has to be viewed in context. Everyone has his own stash of secrets he doesn't want to divulge for various legitimate reasons. And yea, it's unreasonable to rip apart his privacy.

Ah. Watever. Dunno why I'm so worked up tonight. It's a cumulation I guess. A long overdue rant. There are so many untinkered issues, unsettled thoughts. And I think all along I've juz been letting it pass. That may not be a bad way. I should count my blessings. Sometimes I think I should learn from this fren.. he doesn't believe everything is absolute. ("Osama isn't completely bad") I can almost hear him now. I suspect it's to do with our primitive defence mechanism of splitting.

Anyway I sang again today. kbox's service is really going downhill. When there's 7 min left they come into the room to say time's up. When time's up, she stood at the door and cut the song.

Family med posting next. 2 weeks at whampoa gp clinic 2 weeks at yishun polyclinic. anyone gonna see doc soon?

posted by Alvin @ 1:20 AM |

This is so funny. See http://ahham.blogspot.com.

But I'm gonna kill myself...

posted by Alvin @ 12:57 AM |

Wah Piang Eh.

I have never been so lucky at the mahjong table before. Never. Ha but this kinda luck comes like once in a blue moon.

Yes, life is good after exams. If you haven't heard me whine about it, I'll spare your ears. But I lead an utterly mundane existance for 3 whole weeks..at home..You know, pharmaco wasn't so bad after all. I hate cofm. Absolutely hate it..if you ask me, other than ebm and occupational medicine, the rest of the course is bullcrap.

THe only highlight during the 3 weeks was elvin's musical. Can't remember the title. He really stole the show, not to mention getting molested and caressed all over by hot babes. On stage!!well done. First time I was exposed to this artistic side of him.

Oh yea, I should start thinking about overseas electives next year. I wanna go, though not that badly. Anywhere would be fine, as long as its cheap. In fact, that's the only criterion. Not like what dean's office suggested.. king's college crazy pple do they know how much it costs to spend even 2 weeks in london, including airfare food accomms and TUITION FEES. argh.

Anyway I'm still sore over the fee hike. Nvm, I shall make my displeasure known at the ballot box hahaha. But then again those opposition fellas who are contesting my grc suck. They have no credibility. Not like WP.. at least they got a new lawyer chairman to show they mean business. Dunno why I'm following the ge so closely this time. It's probably just another avenue to spice up my boring life.

THis freedom is invigorating.

posted by Alvin @ 5:08 PM |