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Screw it

I'm so tired but I juz can't fall asleep. Slept on the bus and kept knocking my head against the blardy window. Sucks.. actually missed guess^3 last night so that I can have more sleep, but I was juz as tired this morning. I was late. I forgot to bring my notes. Bad start to the day. Back to the usual routine of lectures and more lectures. Haven't found the momentum to study hard as yet. Today's patho lecture was shared with dentistry people. I suddenly miss the times sitting with 79 people. It's a tad too late to do that now eh. How should I put it, we were cliquish, not onz, damn bo chup, but there was still a sense of togetherness. mebbe it stops there, nothing more.

Sickening feeling. There's something that's keeping me going like clockwork; things which ought to be done, die die, will be done. Much as I loathe doing them, I disgustingly won't fail to do them. It's as if I wake up every day juz to fulfil these daily tasks. Never contemplated not doing them, or easing up. Which is a good thing.. perhaps next time in the hospitals I can be one of those people who juz do things without thinking. But dammit it's taking a toll. why can't i be like some people.. so heck care. Don't feel like it then don't have to do. Don't have to worry about protocols, rules, regulations, being tactful or mincing my words. Screw it. Somehow I can't account to myself. I have to be true to myself, but I can't afford to express such sentiments. pent-up? pissed? sad? afraid? apathetic? Go figure.

Self-pity is abominable. Don't want to fall into that.

posted by Alvin @ 1:22 AM |