.

Should I be happy?

I should. Can't ask for a better team n better ward to be working in.

It's the second week into SIP. Pretty fine so far.. I'm with a nice team. Nicest team I've ever encountered in my lowly being as a medical student haha, from HO to consultant. Great cg mates. Should really count my blessings. Starting to get used to doing HO work like discharging, transcribing imr, procedures..though not a lot to do actually, since the doctors are all on the ball and complete their work promptly. My procedures suck! It's erratic. On good days I can set plugs n take bloods first time, every time. Today was bad. Failed everything n had to retry n reretry. Perfect way to screw up your nite call when you're a HO.

Did my first call last tues. BAD! It came to a point when I was just too exhausted, physically, and faced with the long list of procedures to do, patients to see, etc... and I looked at my watch..ONLY 9PM!!?? impossible.. n the work is just..never ending.. That had to be the lowest point of the nite. Only went postcall at 2pm next day. I was a walking zombie during ward round.. actually dozed off while standing. And I slept throughout the entire HO teaching session..argh how to survive next year.

Going on call again tmr. Dreading it. Haha. Well.. I wanted to be busy, did I not. How contradictory. The busier the better.. even a minute of not doing anything is anguish.. a permanent affliction. God.. just take my heart away, so that it can't hurt anymore.

posted by Alvin @ 10:42 PM |

Now.. defunct

Before I met you,
I was soulless and wretched,
Merely breathing to sustain this meaningless existence,
Not for myself,
But because I have no choice.

Dejected, doleful, bleary.
Seeking to fill that emptiness,
Guardedly accepting any kindness,
Telling myself it may just be an illusion,
Or an ephemeral joy.

Until you came.

You gave me life.
For you, I continued this existence.
To see you every day.
To make you smile.
To laugh with you.
To listen to your troubles.
To make your sorrow mine.
Just to be there.
For you.
With you.

You are the only reason I have,
And the only I need.
Nothing is insurmountable
As long as you are around.
You are all that matters;
Nothing else does.

Thank you for your kindness.

Now you are walking away.
My world is gone,
For you mean the world to me.
You are etched,
Though I am just a footprint
That will soon be washed away.

Tormented, languished, defunct.
Back to being a corpse,
Only that I am no longer seeking
For you can never be replaced.

Please be happy.

posted by Alvin @ 7:19 PM |